Divorce and Remarriage: How to Make Your Second Marriage Last

Divorce and Remarriage: How to Make Your Second Marriage Last

“Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do,” said Bettina Arndt in Private Lives.

And here’s another good quotation about marriage: “A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other the guardian of his solitude.” - Rainer Maria Rilke

Creating wedding vows for your second marriage — though challenging— may be the easiest part of getting married again. Here are 10 tips that focus on marriage counseling, divorce and remarriage.

10 Tips for Making Your Second Marriage Last

1. Settle your first marriage. In addition to the financial, social, and geographical considerations, make sure you’re emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and geographically ready to be in a new relationship.

2. Understand your mistakes. Figure out your weaknesses and mistakes in your first marriage, and make sure you don’t repeat them in your second marriage. Divorce and remarriage is easier when you know where you—and your partner—are coming from.

3. Get to know your partner. Take this second marriage as an opportunity to really get to know your partner on a deeper level. This means talking about the difficult stuff even if you’re scared or embarrassed. If you want to make your second marriage last, you’ll have to be honest.

4. Let yourself be known. Be vulnerable, open and honest about your fears and hopes. Share yourself without fear of failure or getting hurt. Letting yourself be loved requires coming out from behind your walls. It can be especially difficult to be vulnerable after a painful divorce.

5. Go to premarital counseling. To make your second marriage last, seek an objective counseling session(s) to lay a strong foundation. The marriage counselor will help you discuss topics that are relevant to your divorce and remarriage.

6. Start fresh. Build your second marriage in a new house or neighborhood; if you need to, move away from a small town or community. Don’t let the old ghosts of your divorce haunt your remarriage. Even if you’re comfortable living in the remnants of your first marriage, your partner might not be.

7. Develop new routines. This isn’t just a tip for making your second marriage last, it’s a health tip, too! Developing new habits and traditions together will connect you and your new spouse—and it’ll help your brain grow new cells and strengthen those rusty old neurons. Many divorce mediators advise setting new routines with new partners.

8. Be open to change. Divorce and remarriage works better if you’re flexible. Let go of your old routines. Be open to change and compromise, and making adjustments in your remarriage. Consider live or online marriage counseling to make sure you’re both ready for your remarriage.

9. Deal with money issues right away. Many remarriages are difficult because of child support payments, alimony, etc. If financial issues are an issue, get divorce advice, a divorce mediator or a financial consultant to help settle you financial issues fairly.

10. Leave the negativity behind. Focus on your successful remarriage without being dragged down by fears, failures, and thoughts of another divorce a second time. Your second marriage is more likely to last if you’re focused on the positive aspects of your partner and life together.

sourced: twoofus.org